Debate sparked on the internet after a woman told her friend she can keep the necklace her husband gave to her.
Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the username u/pluto902 shared her story in order to receive feedback from the "AITA" community. The viral post has over 6,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
"My friend didn't have a necklace to go with her dress so I offered her one of mine," the OP began, "She kept telling me how much she loved the necklace so I told her she could keep it as I never wear it anyway. I gave her the necklace 4 months ago but she recently wore it to another party and my sister-in-law mentioned how I had a necklace that looked exactly like that. My friend told her that I had given it to her and my sister-in-law made a comment about how that was nice of me."
She thought she heard the end of it, but her sister-in-law ended up telling the OP's husband about it. He "demanded" that she gets the necklace back and if she didn't within a week, he would take the matter into his own hands and get it back himself. She argued that she didn't know what the big deal was and doesn't understand why people are mad at her.
In the comments, the OP confirmed that it is not an heirloom, it was a gift from her husband and she didn't know how much it cost him.
Newsweek reached out to u/pluto902 for comment.
Have you ever struggled with what to give to someone as a gift? According to allgiftsconsidered.com, here are some etiquette rules on gift-giving:
Newsweek has published several articles regarding conflicts in a relationship including how a woman was urged to leave her relationship after she pays for every meal, how the internet supports a woman's relationship with her brother's ex and a man who was slammed for taking his partner's credit card and not giving it back.
U/TheAshenDemon4 wrote, receiving the top comment of over 12,000 upvotes, "[You're the a**hole], even if you say this was not a family heirloom it was clearly something precious to HIM, that he gave to YOU, and probably pretty expensive, and handing it off to your friend without at least giving him a heads up beforehand (four months and it's clear you had zero intention of telling him because your friend did) was insensitive.
"You were within your right to give it away, I'll admit that, but it's really not cool to give away your partner's gifts that likely had a lot of effort and meaning on his end without so much as saying anything," the commenter continued.
"[You're the a**hole]. I would also be upset if I saw someone wearing the necklace I gave to you. It's a big insult to the gift giver. It means that you don't appreciate their gift. You could've just bought something similar for your friend," u/Momo-kkun exclaimed.
U/Vast-Perspective-236 commented, "[Not the a**hole]. If he gives her jewelry frequently, it wasn't family connected, it wasn't a celebration of a major event, and she clearly doesn't wear it often.. what, are they upset it isn't in her jewelry box anymore? What I'd like to know is what makes this necklace so distinctive. Secondary to that, is he being wasteful with his money on frequent gift giving? Surely if she doesn't enjoy the frequent jewelry gifts, the time and effort and money being channelled that way can be redirected to things she appreciates more?"
"[Not the a**hole]. Giving you an ultimatum about how long you have to get the necklace back before he does something about it himself is a huge red flag for me. This does not sound like it's about a gift, or that your husband was hurt about you giving it away. This sounds like a control issue. It's more important to him to get a piece of jewelry back than to know why you didn't care about it to begin with. He doesn't care about the repercussions of taking it back from the friend. He doesn't sound like he gives you jewelry foryou at all," u/ToadseyeGem pointed out.
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